How many times this week did someone tell you that they were going to do something, and proceed not to do it? Did you assume that would happen – that people would break their promises and commitments so easily and frequently?
This is the realization you should’ve had if you took that quick minute to think: you live in a society where the idea of a commitment is somewhat of a joke. People everywhere break promises and their word to both themselves and others without a second thought it seems.
Is it just me who thinks that it’s sad that the person who actually does what they say they’re going to do is remarkable? Shouldn’t this just be an assumed outcome of someone making a promise or commitment?
Expectations For Yourself and Others
My boundaries for people in my life when it comes to holding and coming through on their commitments are simple. They have one chance to follow through, and their behaviour and (usually) subsequent excuses will show me exactly what to expect from them in the future.
Truthfully, I’ll be watching this one chance with a doubtful eye. After that single chance someone’s word will be assumed useless and just talk unless proven otherwise.
I mean, it really just comes down to simple extrapolation and logic. If I can easily see that you can’t keep commitments with yourself, how would I ever trust and take what you say seriously? How can other people in your life?
I gave this self-trust some thought this morning as I was laying in my cozy, warm bed after a rough three hour sleep and my alarm humming at me. I didn’t have to be up for another few hours, but I told myself last night that I would 100% unstoppably be at my computer first thing in the morning to write for an hour… and here I am.
It would’ve been so easy to just stay on the warm covers and convince myself that I would do it later… but I knew that was coming. I knew the two tricks that the mind likes to play. I’ll probably write-up more in depth on them in a bit, but I’ll give a quick sentence on each.
Rationalization – this happens ALL THE TIME. Your mind will basically make up an excuse, reason, or justification for not doing something, even if you decided before it would be in your best interests. You basically trick yourself. Pay attention, you will be fooled time and time again, even if you’re watching out for this.
Tired Realization - this happens when you start thinking in a new direction, reading new material, or trying to act with a new behaviour. Your brain is trying to calibrate to this new paradigm and, because it takes so much work, gets lazy. This is where you start something new and about five minutes in, leads to “Oh, wow I didn’t realize how tired I am, I should probably take a nap.”
Just push through and within about ten minutes you won’t feel tired, but for those ten minutes you will be utterly convinced that you’re sleep deprived. The brain is pretty persuasive.
Human Nature In Action
The last five years of my life has been a very in-the-trenches education about business, psychology and human behaviour as I’ve started, grown, sold, and even failed with multiple businesses. As I’ve gone through these experiences and matured in my own views on human nature, it’s my opinion and expectation now that perhaps one out of ten people will do what they say they’re going to do, and that number may be on the high side.
For most people, there’s no honour, pledge, or allegiance to making a commitment. There’s no iron-clad seal of “this shit will get done”-edness from them. The attitude I get from most people who want to make a serious change in their life is almost a laissez-faire shrug, more of a “We’ll see what happens.”
Sure, the words may be there on paper or hanging in the air after they’ve told you what they want. They may tell you that they want this more than anything, of how hard they’re going to work for it… but the conviction behind the words is lacking. There’s no fire in their voice or blaze of unstoppable intent in their eyes.
Surround Yourself With The Right People
The people I surround myself with, the ones that I emulate and model habits from, the ones I strive to internalize their mindsets… these are a different breed.
These are people who when they say they’re going to do something, they do it. When they’ve put their word on the fact that something will get done, you can damn well expect it will be done. It’s not just the note of conviction in their voice that leads you to this conclusion, but the congruency of their actions.
They follow up and follow through on things every single time. And that builds a hell of a lot of trust, both in business and in life.
They’re free of the seeming pandemic of vomiting up an alibi or an excuse every time the going gets tough. What they’re flooded with is the ability to put their heads down and soldier through the inevitable difficulties or obstacles that come up for them, and keep moving forward no matter what.
Don’t Compare Yourself To The Masses
It all starts with your personal commitment to being excellent in what you do and separating yourself from the mediocre majority. If you can keep your promises to yourself, if you can steady your hand when the going gets tough and force yourself into a bit of discomfort as it’s needed, you will be far ahead of the pack.
Our society is built around comfort, ease, and minimizing critical thinking and hard work. Most human beings are so mentally weak that the moment they need to double down and soldier through some tough stuff to get to a better end goal, they quit. They give up on their dreams at the very first sign of tough.
No wonder most people are so broke. So out of shape. So unhappy with life. They have one long line of guilt-filled failures. If you say you’re going to do something, and then proceed to not do it, guess who sees that every single time. You do.
Whatever gets reinforced, you will get more of. What gets ignored, gets reinforced to be ignored in the future. What gets reinforced, gets encouraged to happen again in the future. Whatever action you take, is more likely to be taken again - Basic Behavioural Psychology Principle in the 1950s and onwards (supported by current neuroscience research)
This is exactly what happens when you break your promises to yourself. You set-up the precedent and give yourself permission to do it again. This is why being 100% draconian and unyielding with yourself is so important. One slip and the flood gates can open for the excuses to rush in to drown your dreams.
Is this what you want from your life? Total weakness and nobody able to rely on you? Then carry on with your word being meaningless because you never back it up with action.
Yet if you see the truth in these words, either if they make you angry or you find yourself nodding your head knowing that you need to up your game in this area, then do it.
Pick an area of improvement. Pick a skill. Pick anything. Practice it for 30 minutes a day, and 100% promise yourself that this will get done. It’s non-negotiable. It’s inevitable.
Expect your mind to try to play tricks on you and tell you that you’re too tired. It’s a TRICK that the mind likes to play when you are pushing through an obstruction that’s previously held you back or trying on a new way of thinking.
Solider on. Keep your head down and push forward through the exhaustion and weakness. Create the burning intent to see this through. Keep your promises to yourself, and keep them to others. This habit will take you further and farther in life than you could ever expect, and help you filter out people who don’t deserve your time, energy or attention very quickly.
Beyond the very extreme of fatigue, distress and frustration, we may find amounts of ease and power we have never dreamed ourselves to own because we never push through the obstruction – William James
{ 4 comments… read them below or add one }
Man that tired feeling happens to me all t he time I try new things, now I know exactly what that is. I end up taking naps a lot even though I sleep so much.
Interesting to know! Good article.
Definitely haha, it’s so funny how the brain will try to convince you, and then if you just push through for 10 minutes it completely disappears. Gets better and easier the more you do it.
Man, that post was awesome. I was exactly in that situation: “i made a promise to do it… so why i’m not doing?”
Thanks!
Thanks for the comment Israel!